maggisfarm

Sometimes I feel like sighing and telling her how great life is since I know her. Then I always shrug and realize that it wasn’t all that easy and that I actually just want to tell her how happy I am since we’re going out.

Some friends say it’s strange I nearly gave up smoking because of her. They say that I change and that changing due to someone else is not always good. But then, I’d agree if I would have stopped on beer. But that’s not the case.

Smoking is disgusting for the one that doesn’t smoke. Kissing a smoker tastes like licking an ash tray. I don’t want her to feel like that when she’s kissing me. Smoking makes you stink. I know how I feel about her smell, so I don’t want her to link the smell of cold smoke to the memory of me. Smoking can kill you and I don’t want to give the impression I wouldn’t care about my life with her. Smoking gives you those little special moments of relaxation, freedom or adventure. Since we’re together I had few moments that weren’t special. I felt settled, liberated and pretty adventurous all the time.

I didn’t give up completely anyway. I still smoke. When I’m off somewhere, when I meet friends, when I’m on a party. I smoke only, though, when she’s not around. It’s not as if she didn’t know or as if she didn’t care. She still gives me this blank look. But I believe it’s better this way. One day I’ll probably have to stop for good, but for now I’m enjoying not wanting to smoke when she’s around and not having to smoke when she’s not around.